“My pain was never more valuable than his potential.”
Author
Chanel Miller
Publisher
Penguin Random House
Genre
Memoir
Number of Pages
Audiobook
368
15 hours 25 minutes
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I picked this book because I had read some very influential bloggers mention this book as one of their favorites from 2019. And after reading the honesty and rawness of Educated by Tara Westover, I realized I had fallen in love with this genre - Memoirs.
So I picked this online sensation and then I discovered that the audiobook was narrated by Chanel Miller herself so I had to listen to the audio.
My Review
Wow, I’m overwhelmed, speechless, surprised, and shocked. The book is brutal, tough, but beautiful. Be informed it’s not an easy book to read. I felt overwhelmed and unable to think anything other than the book and Chanel's words for a little while after I finished the book. But it left me feeling satiated and empowered.
But let me go back a little to tell you what this book is about. In 2015 Chanel was visiting Stanford with her sister Tiffany for a party, where she got had a few drinks and blacked out, outside the party venue. In her unconscious and vulnerable position, she was digitally (using fingers) assaulted by Brock Turner. Before he could do more damage was caught by two cyclists and tried to run away. Chanel woke up in a hospital and had no memory of what happened. But for the next one and a half years, she was reminded of what happened every day.
To say her life changed after that would be an understatement. All she wanted from Brock was an acknowledgment and apology that what he did to her was wrong. But all he acknowledged was that he had been drunk and confused and that Chanel liked what he did.
The battle then was fought in court, where Brock was sentenced to a lenient six months in jail that came to just three when good behavior for every good day was considered. All because Turner was a star athlete and had the reputation of being a gentle soul from his ex-girlfriend and teachers.
Chanel Miller's 7000-word long victim impact statement that was heard in court was posted to Buzz Feed and got 13 million views in a few days. There was a public appeal for recalling the judge who presided the case, but it didn’t happen.
Chanel became the strong voice in support of all victims who were judged, insulted, humiliated, and silenced for being sexual assault victims. Her statement had America change its age-old laws of sexual abuse. But she too was not without her days of loneliness, guilt, self-harm, and depression.
For months no one except her few close family members knew the name of Brock Turner’s victim. For everyone, she was Emily Doe. Through this book, she decided to face her fears and print her name on her story, Chanel Miller.
Final verdict
I may have turned back a few pages to remind myself of the name of the person who assaulted her, but I’m very sure I will never forget Chanel Miller’s name, ever. That’s the power of this book Know My Name.
- Top Quotes from Educated -
“Most people say developing is linear, but for survivors it is cyclic. People grow up, victims grow around; we strengthen around the place that hurt, become older and fuller, but the vulnerable core is never gone.”
“We don’t fight for our own happy endings. We fight to say you can’t. We fight for accountability. We fight to establish precedent. We fight because we pray we’ll be the last ones to feel this kind of pain.”
“I used to shrink at harsh tones, used to be afraid. Until I learned it takes nothing to be hostile. Nothing. It is easy to be the one yelling, chucking words that burn like coals, neon red, meant to harm. I have learned I am water. The coals sizzle, extinguishing when they reach me. I see how, those fiery coals are just black stones, sinking to the bottom.”
“They seemed angry that I’d made myself vulnerable, more than the fact that he’d acted on my vulnerability.”
“Little girls don’t stay little forever, Kyle Stephens said. They turn into strong women who return to destroy your world.”
“I am a victim, I have no qualms with this word, only with the idea that it is all that I am.”
“This book does not have a happy ending. The happy part is there is no ending, because I'll always find a way to keep going.”
“You are allowed to be cautious but you don’t always have to be afraid.”
“What was unique about this crime, was that the perpetrator could suggest the victim experienced pleasure and people wouldn't bat an eye. There's no such thing as a good stabbing or bad stabbing, consensual murder or nonconsensual murder.”
“We force her to think hard about what this will mean for his life, even though he never considered what his actions would do to her.”
Chanel Miller
Chanel Miller is a writer and artist who received her BA in Literature from the College of Creative Studies at the University of California, Santa Barbara. She lives in San Francisco, California.
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