Summary

Talking about sexual violence is always tough. Even though we are led to believe we are in a progressive society, sharing personal experiences about trauma is not an easy task.

But Robert Uttaro, who works as a rape counsellor for THP - The Healing Place has made this impossible task possible for us to read and understand these experiences through the survivor’s minds.

My Review

You might say I’m not ready for such a graphic book. And yet I will say that you must not skip this book. Because on the contrary it is a book filled with positivity, kindness, compassion and the very quality of recognizing each other as a human being.

The delicate and gentle way that Robert Uttaro has handled all these stories portray genuine concern and a will to help those affected by this tragedy.

These stories will tell you exactly what you can do and need to do to make an impact in a person’s life. And Robert insists these things are as small as listening to a survivor and believing in their story.

This book is about their journey thereafter, how although their pain is deep, they can heal, they can grow, they can survive without remembering the traumatic details every day.

Here you’ll find stories by women, stories by men, stories by Trans-genders, stories of being abused as children, stories of being abused by family and friends. Stories that came to light 50 years later. Poignant and tender poems written by survivors and so much more.

Final Verdict

What you take away from this wonderful compilation is the most important thing. India and the world are fighting this epidemic and we need to make ourselves aware of some realties against this background.

Robert Uttaro believes anyone can benefit from the words in these pages, rape survivor or not. He has very succinctly summarized the stories for us in the end and I share this summary with you here today.

10 lessons I leaned from To the Survivors by Robert Uttaro

Don’t Blame Them

Survivors are not to blame. If you are to blame anyone, blame a person who chooses to rape.

Men and Boys are abused too.

Do not think only women and girls are raped and sexually assaulted. Men and boys are also raped and sexually assulated.

Listen and Believe

If someone discloses to you, please believe and listen to him or her.

Clothes, makeup, Looks are not to blame either.

Do not blame a survivor because of the clothes he or she wears. The clothes someone wears are completely irrelevant in every single rape that occurs.

You were raped because you had alcohol – NO, not true.

Do not blame a survivor when alcohol or drugs are involved; there are plenty if people who rape sober and who are raped sober.

Didn’t I warn you, don’t hang out with him. – Again, not fair.

Do not blame survivors for being raped when they hang out with ‘that’ person. Many rapists are viewed as nice people.

Any response after the assault is a valid response. Support them.

Do not force survivors to do anything. They do not have to go to a hospital. They do not have to go to the police. They do not have to go to the court. They can choose to. If they are looking for help, please provide them with the resources and options, and be the bridge to those resources and options. Let them make the choice for themselves, but try to be that bridge.

Be Sensitive.

Rape jokes hurt. They can trigger survivors in re-experiencing horrific trauma.

Support

Support survivors in what they need at the time.

Healing takes time, but it does happen.

Always understand that people can do heal from sexual violence and other forms of violence as well. No matter how bleak things may seem, people can grow, get better, and heal in whatever way healing happens for them.

And in the end Uttaro shares one tool that may help us someone of close to us ever discloses that he or she has been sexually assaulted. He asks that you B L E S S the person.

B – Believe the person if they disclose.

L – Listen to that person when they need to talk, cry or scream.

E – Empathize with that person as best you can.

S – Safety. Ensure that person’s physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual safety.

S – Support – support that person in whatever they need at the time.

Don’t forget to believe in hope and healing. Happy reading.