How to talk to anyone by Leil Lowndes

92 little tricks for big success

Want to be the next big guy in your field or the person with the best job, best spouse, best kids? What you need is not extra intelligence but just a tweaking of your communications skills with the help of little tricks.

 Develop your communication skills and stand out from the crowd. That’s what this book teaches us. And communication is not only through spoken language, but body language as well.

Understand not only what to do to achieve big success but also learn how to do it. With these techniques you will come across as a special person to anyone and everyone you meet.

A very practical book with easy to understand examples in every chapter. Very relatable, relevant and easy-going book. Whether you want to improve your personal life or professional, this guide is a must-have. Trust me I’ve already put to use some of these little tricks and have seen them work miraculously.

I have noted down all the 92 tricks for you here, but it is in no way to tell you to skip the book and read only this. The book elaborates each trick very well with real life examples in business as well as personal life. This write-up is in no way a copy but a summary to give readers a gist of what to expect or as a quick reference. So through this summary I certainly hope to inspire you to go read this fun and useful book.

To make the summary accurate I have put in the titles of the tricks as is and then explained the trick as per my understanding and also by using words form the book.

You have only 10 seconds to show you are a somebody

1. The Flooding Smile

Look at the person, pause, soak in the persona and then give out a warm, big, responsive smile that overflows into the eyes.

2. Sticky Eyes

Eyes glued to the person you are talking to. Keep looking after they finish then look away slowly. 

3. Epoxy Eyes

No matter who is speaking, keep looking at the man or woman you want to impact.

4. Hang by Your teeth

Visualize an iron-jaw bit hanging from every doorframe you walk through. Take a bit with it firmly between your teeth. When you hang by your teeth, every muscle is stretched into perfect posture position.

5. The big-baby pivot

The instant you meet someone reward your new acquaintance with a warm smile, the total-body-turn and undivided attention as you would give a little baby.

6. Hello old friend

When meeting someone imagine he or she is an old friend. Imagine fate tore you apart, but now you have reunited with your long lost friend.

7. Limit the fidget

Whenever your conversation really matters, do not fidget, keep your hands steady and away from your face. Fidgeting gives the listener an impression of fibbing.

8. Hans’s horse sense

In a conversation express yourself, but keep a keen eye on how your listener is reacting, then plan your moves accordingly.

9. Watch the scene before you make the scene

Rehearse being the Somebody you want to be ahead of time.

What do I say after I say ‘hello’?

10. The mood match

If you ever want to bring people around to your thoughts, you must match their mood and voice tone, if only for a moment.

11. Prosaic with passion

No matter how prosaic the text, an empathetic mood, a positive demeanour, and passionate delivery make you sound exciting.

12. Always wear a Whazit

Whenever you go to a gathering wear or carry a piece of accessory that could become a piece of conversation.

13. Whoozat?

Simply ask the party-giver to make the introduction, or pump for a few facts that you can immediately turn into icebreakers.

14. Eavesdrop in

Sidle up behind the swarm of folks you want to infiltrate and open your ears. Wait for any flimsy excuse and jump in with – Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear..

15. Never the naked city

Whenever someone asks you – where are you from? never give a one-word answer. Instead learn some engaging facts about your hometown that your conversation partners can comment on.

16. Never the naked job

Don’t just state your job with a short-shrift answer. Throw out some interesting facts about your job for new acquaintances to munch on.

17. Never the naked introduction

When introducing people, don’t just give names, share more information like their jobs or hobbies or likes.

18. Be a word detective

Listen to your conversation partner’s every word for clues to his or her preferred topic. Then talk about that subject.

19. The swivelling spotlight

When a new person is speaking, shine the spotlight on him/her. The longer you keep it shining away from you, the more interesting he or she finds you.

20. Parroting

Like a parrot, simply repeat the last few words your Conversation Partner says. That puts the ball right back in his or her court, and then all you need to do is listen. 

21. Encore!

Whenever you’re at a meeting or party with someone important to you, think of some stories they told you. Then shine the spotlight on them by requesting a repeat performance.

22. Ac-cen-tu-ate the pos-i-tive

Do not Pull out skeletons of the past with a new friend. Save it for later and then too only accentuate the positive. 

23. The latest news…. Don’t leave home without it

Anything that happened today is good material to initiate or continue a conversation.

How to talk like the big boys and girls

24. What do you do – NOT!

Avoid the direct question – what do you do? The right question would be – How do you spend most of your time?

25. The nutshell resume

Just as job-seeking top managers roll a different written resume off their printers for each position they’re applying for, let a different true story about your professional life roll off your tongue for each listener.

26. Your personal thesaurus

Only fifty words makes the difference between a rich, creative vocabulary and an average, middle-of-the-road one. Substitute a word a day for two months and you’ll be in the verbally elite.

27. Kill the quick ‘me, too!’

Whenever you have something in common with someone, the longer you wait to reveal it, the more moved he or she will be.

28. Comm-YOU-nication

Starting a sentence with YOU immediately grab’s your listener’s attention and gets a more positive response.

29. The exclusive smile

When meeting groups of people, grace each with a distinct smile.

30. Don’t touch a cliché with a ten-foot pole

Don’t use any clichés when chatting with Big Winners. Instead make your own clever phrases.

31. Use jaw smith’s jive

If you want to be notable, dream up a crazy quotable.

32. Call a spade a spade

Don’t hide behind euphemisms. But don’t use tasteless words to call a spade a spade.

33. Trash the teasing

Never make a joke at anyone’s expense. You’ll wind up paying for it.

34. It’s the receiver’s ball

Before giving a piece of news keep your receiver in mind. Deliver it with a smile, sob or sigh according to how the receiver will take it.

35. The broken record

Whenever someone persists in questioning you on an unwanted subject, simply repeat your original response. Use the same words with the same tone.

36. Big shots don’t slobber

When you’re chatting with VIPs/celebrities don’t compliment her work, simply say how much insight or pleasure it gives you.

37. Never the naked thank you

Never let the words thank you stand alone. Always go for Thank you for ------

How to be an insider in any crowd

38. Scramble therapy

Once a month invest time in doing something you’d never dream of doing.

39. Learn a little Gobbledygook

Big Winners speak the language of other professions, besides theirs. That way they sound like an insider.

40. Baring their hot button

Every industry has burning issues the outside world knows little about. Find out about them.

41. Read their rags

When it comes to people’s hobbies and interests, browse through magazines on running, working out, bicycling, skiing swimming surfing. You’ll find thousands of special-interest magazines published every month.

42. Clear ‘customs’

Before stepping into foreign soil, get a book on dos and taboos around the world.

43. Bluffing for bargains

Before every big purchase, find several vendors – a few to learn from and one to buy form. Armed with a few words of industryese, you’re ready to head for the store where you’re going to buy.

Why, we’re just alike!

44. Be a copycat

Watch people, look at the way they move. Then imitate the style of movement. That makes your conversation partner subliminally real comfy with you.

45. Echoing

Listen to the speaker’s arbitrary choice of nouns, verbs, prepositions, adjectives – and echo them back.

46. Potent imaging

Evoke your listener’s interests or lifestyle and weave images around it. Potent imaging tells your listeners you think like them and hints you share their interests.

47. Employ empathizers

Don’t be an unconscious ummer. Vocalize complete sentences to show your understanding.

48. Anatomically correct empathizers

Unless it is obvious the person you are speaking with is primarily visual, auditory, or kinaesthetic, simply respond in his or her mode of the moment. Match your empathizers to the current sense someone is talking through. 

49. The premature we

Create the sensation of intimacy with someone even if you’ve met just moments before.

50. Instant history

When you meet a stranger you’d like to makes less a stranger, search for some special moment you shared during your first encounter. Then find a few words that reprieve laugh, the warm smile, the good feeling the two of you felt.

The power of praise, the folly of flattery

51. Grapevine glory

A compliment one hears us never as exciting as the one he overhears. A priceless way to praise is through tell-a-friend.

52. Carrier pigeon kudos

Whenever you hear something complimentary about someone, fly to them with the compliment. Everyone loves the bearer of glad tidings.

53. Implied magnificence

Throw a few comments into your conversation that presuppose something positive about the person you’re talking with.

54. Accidental adulation

Stealthily sneak praise into the parenthetical part of your sentence.

55. The killer compliment

Whenever you are talking with a stranger search for one attractive, specific, and unique quality he or she has. At the end of the conversation, say their name and give them the killer component.

56. Little strokes

Adults are all grown-up little girls and little boys. Let them know how much you appreciate them by caressing them with verbal encouragement. – Nice Job, Well done, Cool.

57. The knee-jerk ‘wow’!

Quick as a blink you must praise people the moment they finish a feat.

58. Boomeranging

Let compliments quickly boomerang right back to the giver.

59. The tombstone game

You take people’s breath away when you feed their deepest self-mage to them in a compliment.

Direct dial their hearts

60. Talking gestures

While talking on the phone you must replace your gestures with talk.

61. Name shower

People perk up when they hear their own name. use it more often on the phone than you would in person to keep their attention.

62. ‘Oh wow, it’s you!’

Answer the phone warmly, crisply, professionally. Then after you hear who is calling let a huge smile of happiness engulf your entire face and spill over your voice.

63. The sneaky screen

If you must screen your calls, instruct your staff to first say cheerfully, ‘oh yes, I’ll put you right through.’

64. Salute the spouse

Whenever you are calling someone’s home, always identify and greet the person who answers.

65. What color is your time?

No matter how urgent you think your call is, always begin by asking the person about timing.

66. Constantly changing outgoing message

Leave a short, professional, and friendly greeting as your outgoing message and change it every day.

67. Your ten-second audition

Pitch personality into your message for the answering machine. Picture the people listening to it. Say something that piques their interest enough for a call-back.

68. The ho-hum caper

Instead of using your party’s name, casually let the pronouns he or she roll off your tongue to signal to the secretary that you and her boss are old buddies.

69. ‘I hear your other line’

When you hear a phone in the background/ a dog/ a baby/ a spouse stop talking and ask if they need to attend to it.

70. Instant replay

Record your business conversations and listen to them again.

How to work a party like a politician works a room?

71. Munching or mingling

Before going to a party decide if you want to eat or mingle. It can only be one. So to mingle better eat before the party.

72. Rubberneck the room

At a gathering, stop in the doorway and slowly survey the room and its guests.

73. Be the chooser, not the chosen

Explore every face in the room. Do not way for things to happen to you.

74. Come-hither hands

In a gathering arrange your body in a manner that it signals you are open to conversation and company.

75. Tracking

Remember anniversaries of people’s achievements or remember people’s private passions. It creates powerful intimacy.

76. The business card dossier

Write down private details of a person you talked to on the back of their business card. In your next conversation use that as a reference in your talk.

77. Eyeball selling

Use your eyes to pick up on signals from your conversation partner. Plan your pitch accordingly.

Little tricks of big winners

78. See no bloopers, her no bloopers

Big winners never gape at another’s gaffes.

79. Lend a helping tongue

When someone’s story is aborted, let the interruption play out. Then when the group reassembles simply say to the interrupted narrator – now please get back to your story.

80. Bare the buried WIIFM

Whenever you suggest a meeting or ask a favour, divulge the respective benefits.

81. Let them savour the favour

Whenever a friend agrees to do you a favour, do not be in a hurry for a payback. Let them relish the joy of giving for at least 24 hours.

82. Tit for (wait… wait) tat

Likewise, when you do someone a favour wait a suitable amount of time before asking for a payback.

83. Parties are for pratter

Leave tough talks for tougher settings. At a party nod and smile.

84. Dinner’s for dining

Dinner time is for positive brainstorming and not for bringing up unpleasant matters.

85. Chance encounters are for chitchat

If you have a chance meeting with someone you’re having a sensitive or business discussion with do not talk about the matter, then.

86. Empty their tanks

If you need information, let people have their entire say first.

87. Echo the EMO

Hear people’s facts but empathize fervently with their emotions.

88. My goof, your gain

Whenever you make a mistake, make sure your victim benefits.

89. Leave an escape hatch

Big winners leave an escape hatch for the small foibles of friends they wish to keep by taking the blame themselves.

90. Buttercups for their boss

Send a complimentary letter to a worker’s boss so they give you their very best the next time.

91. Lead the listeners

Be the first to applaud or publicly commend the man or woman you agree with.

92. The great scorecard in the sky

Big winners ask themselves – who has the most to benefit from this relationship? What has each of us done recently that demands deference? And what can I do to even the score?

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